Operation: Sarah Palin, Phase One

[or 'Things I shouldn't be comfortable admitting, part one.']

As I’m sure you know because of her Oprah interview [which I'm sure you watched], former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin is publishing her first ‘book,’ Going Rogue. Which she ‘wrote.’ By ‘herself.’ Anyway, the book goes on sale tomorrow. This news must be exciting to those who are politically parallel to Mrs Palin, which, if you’re wondering [and I'm sure you were], I’m not.

Flashback a week ago. I’m perusing the Amazon on my iPod when what do I find but Going Rogue high atop the bestselling books. It was priced at 9 bucks. 9. Over 60% lower than the publisher’s list price. If you know me at all, you know I’m ever so slightly impulsive. So I may or may not have pre-ordered the book then and there. It all happened so fast. Seriously. I don’t even remembering it happening. It was just so cheap and so… tempting.

Flashback [forward?] to 3 days ago: I discover on the interwebs that Sarah Palin is coming to Brookwood mall next week. To sign copies of her book. Line numbers are being given out starting at noon on the 22nd, and she’ll arrive at 7 pm on the 23rd. This was a sign. I was meant to buy that book. I was meant to go to Books A Million and have Mrs Palin sign this blessed miracle.

And not just that. Oh no. I’m not only going to have my book signed, I’m determined to give Sarah Palin a hug. It’s happening. She may have security, well I’m willing to cry on command if it means she’ll reciprocate aforementioned hug. I’ll report back in a week with results. Pray for me.

Okay, here we go. Blog post. Get excited.

I’d like to apologize. My academic life is in shambles right now so blogging hasn’t been at the tip top of my priority list.

- The Homewood fall play ‘Ghost Box’ has come and gone. I was the assistant director, which was interesting. Not sure whether I’d jump at the opportunity again, but any experience is good experience, right?

- I’ve been cast in the ensemble of Ragtime, a fantastic musical that will be going up in February. Imma keep you posted.

- I was not cast in 13 the musical, which I auditioned for last month. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed, but I’m excited to see the show anyway. And harbor grudges against the entire cast. Just kidding.

So this turned out to be a lot more theatre-centric than intended, but it’s a blog post anyway. I’ll be back soon with more substantial material.

Stuck in neutral.

Today I noticed something that’s been hiding in my room for five years. Even when I moved two years ago, it remained a perennial and unnoticed feature on my wall. This morning I brushed my teeth and went to get my bag. And I saw it. A canoe paddle, finished with swirling calligraphy. ‘Alpine Honor Camper 2004,’ it reads.

Alpine was a month-long summer camp I attended every year for four years of my life. At the end of each term, campers in each grade level, along with counselors, would vote on an ‘honor camper.’ It was never really explained what this meant, although in my years at Alpine I saw it go to the quietest kid, the nicest kid, the richest kid, and me. Sure, it was flattering at the time, but it somehow managed to hide in plain sight right over my bed for five whole years.

Tonight I took down the canoe paddle and placed it in my closet, where it now resides with my ‘Most Improved 8 and Under’ swimming trophy [I beasted at backstroke. True story.] and my certificate of participation for a cub scout soap box derby. Maybe one day I’ll go through my old stuff and smile when I see the canoe paddle, the trophy, and the certificate. But for now they’re where they belong. Not on display. My identity is certainly not defined by what’s in my bedroom, but it also has nothing to do with a barely legitimate award from five years ago.

So now I forge ahead, hoping a more current canoe paddle will be given to me, for a more lasting reason. There’s also a map of Narnia hanging in my room. Maybe I’ll get to that next week.

Some stuff I like in September.

You know what? I’m about ready for this month to end. It’s true. August and September are the worst. They both go by slower than any other month. Regardless of my hostility towards this time of year, I’ve compiled this list of things that are awesome.

1. I love ABC’s new half-hour comedy Modern Family. It follows three exceedingly abnormal families trying to live, as the title implies, modern lives. The pilot episode aired on Wednesday, and has got to be one of the funniest pilots I’ve seen. I look forward to seeing where they take the show with such sharp, intelligent writing.

2. One of ABC’s other new fall shows is FlashForward. If you’ve been watching the network at all in the last two months, you know that ABC is putting all their eggs in this strange, sci-fi basket. I had huge expectations going in, and the first episode really delivered. The direction and writing, courtesy of Dark Knight co-writer David Goyer, are both on a cinematic scale that rarely sees the light of primetime. It’s more than enough to hold me over until Lost returns in January.

3. Go buy an I am Birmingham shirt HERE. Seriously, just go get one.

4. In 1995, Jean-Dominique Bauby, the editor of French Elle magazine, had a stroke which resulted in locked-in syndrome, a condition in which a person is fully functional mentally, but physically paralyzed. Bauby was totally paralyzed save for his left eyelid. Using a painstaking system with an assisstant, Bauby blinked out a 139-page memoir of his inner thoughts called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. The book was adapted into a film by Julian Schnabel in 2007. The movie is a unique portrait of a man whose true feelings aren’t expressed until a near-death experience jolts them out of him. It’s inspiring, funny, devastating, and hypnotic. Netflix it.

5. Greg Holden, the English musician who opened for Ingrid Michaelson the other night at Workplay, has been on rotation on my iPod since. Check out Thinking of You and The Chase.

Predicting Emmys like a boss.

EDIT 9/20 11:08 am: changed my pick for supporting actress in a drama from Chandra Wilson to Rose Byrne. Alert the media.

I apologize in advance if you find this sort of thing royally dull, but I actually did pretty well with my Oscar and Tony predictions, so here we go. [For your sake, I'm only predicting the Comedy and Drama Series Emmys, which are only half of the awards being presented tomorrow night.]

Drama Series
Will win: Mad Men, despite the fact that the second season was not up to snuff.
Should win: Mad Men, I’m happy for you, and Imma let you have your moment, but Breaking Bad had one of the best seasons of ALL TIME.
Upset: Breaking Bad has the next best chance.

Drama Actor
Will win: Hugh Laurie, unfortunately.
Should win: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad.
Upset: Bryan Cranston.

Drama Actress
Will win: Glenn Close, Damages.
Should win: Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men.
Upset: Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men.

Drama Supp. Actor
Will win: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad. Arguably the best performance on TV right now.
Should win: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad.
Upset: Michael Emerson, Lost.

Drama Supp. Actress
Will win: Rose Byrne, Damages [she's pretty much a co-lead]
Should win: Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy.
Upset: Dianne Wiest, In Treatment.

Drama Directing
Will win: Phil Abraham, Mad Men.
Should win: Phil Abraham, Mad Men.
Upset: Whatever for ER.

Drama Writing
Will win: Meditations in an Emergency, Mad Men.
Should win: A Night to Remember, Mad Men.
Upset: The Incident, Lost.

Comedy Series
Will win: 30 Rock.
Should win: 30 Rock.
Upset: HA!

Comedy Actor
WIll win: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock.
Should win: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock.
Upset: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory.

Comedy Actress
Will win: Tina Fey, 30 Rock.
Should win: Toni Collette, United States of Tara [and I love Tina Fey.]
Upset: Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?

Comedy Supp. Actor
Will win: Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother.
Should win: Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock.
Upset: Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock.

Comedy Supp. Actress
Will win: Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock.
Should win: Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock.
Upset: Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies or Kristen Wiig, SNL.

Comedy Directing
Will win: Whatever for The Office.
Should win: Beth McCarthy, 30 Rock.
Upset: Todd Holland, 30 Rock.

Comedy Writing
WIl win: Matt Hubbard, 30 Rock.
Should win: Matt Hubbard, 30 Rock.
Upset: One of the other three 30 Rock episodes.

Okay, I’m done.

‘Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.’ [or Dear Kanye West...]

Everyone will be blogging about this. Everyone. So I figured I’d join in. ‘Sorry Taylor, I’ll let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.’ Words of a genius named Kanye West. Let’s analyze this, shall we?

‘Sorry Taylor.’ PAUSE! That’s like when people say ‘no offense’ and then say something really offensive. It’s still offensive, regardless of whether you said ‘no offense.’

‘I’ll let you finish.’ PAUSE! Taylor Swift was excepting an effing VMA. Kanye, you do not tell her whether she can finish or not. And when you handed her back the mic, she just said nothing and looked like she might melt.

‘Beyoncé had one of the best videos.’ PAUSE! Okay. It was a good video. But it was a mediocre song. And why should you get to judge the quality of a musician’s work Kanye? You’re best known for yelling over a Daft Punk song that already existed.

‘Of all time.’ PAUSE! Really? Really? Why do really unintelligent people feel the need to add ‘of all time’ to every bit of praise they give? Yes, I’m talking about Ben Lyons.

Okay, I’m done. Kanye, it’s one thing to rant about how awesome you are, but don’t drag an innocent teenager into the mix. Taylor isn’t the greatest country artist ever, but she didn’t deserve that. Good day, sir. I said good day.

This I Believe.

I’ve always found NPR’s This I Believe interesting. I think it’s cool to hear people’s philosophies and convictions in under two minutes. It reveals a lot about the person.

However, when I was asked to write an essay in the style of This I Believe for English, I found it a lot harder than it looked. Not matter what I wrote, I always found some problem with it. It’s too generic. It’s too weird. It’s not really what I believe.

Anyway, I thought I’d share the finished product below. Sorry about the bad sound.

Noah’s This I Believe

New schedule.

Old Schedule:
- AP Environmental Science
- Algebra II with Trigonometry
- Advanced Acting
- French II
- Yearbook Staff
- AP Language and Composition
- US History Modern

New Schedule:
- Herbology
- Arithmancy
- Transfiguration [?]
- Ancient Runes
- The Daily Prophet Staff
- Charms
- Muggle Studies

I recently discovered MLIA [My Life is Average] which gave me this outstanding idea. Next year, Chemistry will be Potions. And Driver’s Ed will be Flying.

Stuff I need to do:

- Do that homework that I was going to do yesterday.

- Clean my room and actually keep it clean for more than a week.

- See the following movies: Moon, Ponyo, Inglorious Basterds

- Write that monologue that’s due on Wednesday.

- Update that blog I have.

School these days.

August has come with the gratuitous amounts of dread and misery that I’ve grown to love. This year, I had very little time to savor this feeling of impending doom, as the Homewood school year started on August 10th. I’ll gladly repeat that. Homewood. Started. School. On. The. 10th. [annoyed groan] Because I enrolled in an AP English class, I was assigned 3 books and 4 rather time consuming assignments over the summer, which I completed… the night of August 9th. And the wee morning hours of August 10th. I finally got to bed at 5 am.

I was woken up 70 minutes later to find that the lower left side of my face had swollen horribly. It wasn’t pretty. The impeccable timing of this dermatological disaster was all too apparent as I pondered the social consequences of going to school looking like Rocky Balboa after a fight. Thankfully, my parents are nowhere near as cruel as you probably think they are [I love you Mom and Dad] and they let me stay home. I unethically asked my dermatologist for a school excuse for the day.

Anyway, school. My AP English class seems enjoyable. I like the teacher and the other students. More importantly, our main text has essays by David Sedaris in it which is pretty darn cool. Other noteworthy classes include Advanced Acting [my friend Megyn and I are doing a song from Starlight Express for our first project, complete with roller skates], French Deux [it was obviously a long summer as I couldn't remember how to say 'six' in French], and Yearbook [yearbook staffers can stay in the classroom during lunch which makes me extremely happy].

I’m confident that it’s going to be a good year for me. I need to bring up that ol’ GPA, so I’m determined to work slightly harder than I did in years past. 3 down, 177 to go.