Public Enemies.

released 7/1/9 by Universal Pictures
dir. by Michael Mann
grade: B-

In the opening scene of Public Enemies, John Dillinger [Johnny Depp] stages a daring prison break complete with accomplices, getaway cars, and near incessant gunfire. Throughout the film, he and his buddies rob banks with expert technique and snappy dialogue. His many escapes, however close, are genius.

John Dillinger was shot and killed. We all know that. Everyone watching the film knows that. We all know it’s coming. And yet, the filmmakers seem to just accept that and abandon any tension or emotion in Dillinger’s story. There doesn’t seem to be any effort to surprise the audience. The bank robberies aren’t thrilling, but dutiful. The escapes aren’t suspenseful, but dull.

Johnny Depp gives a commendable performance. He delivers Dillinger’s zingers with dead pan humor and puts what little emotion can fit into such a factual movie. As Dillinger’s girlfriend, Billie Frechette, Marion Cotillard is wonderful. In all of her scenes she brings a sense of urgency that the film so desperately needs. For his part, Christian Bale attempts a South Carolinian accent. So he gets an A for effort.

The art direction and costume design are flawless. They more than anything else create the mood of the movie. More disappointing is director Michael Mann’s decision to film with handheld digital cameras. Such methods have been used on movies like Children of Men, but there it added to the story. Here it’s just distracting. Imagine some of the most aesthetically beautiful period films of recent years, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button for example. Now imagine them filmed as though they were The Blair Witch Project.

Bryan Burrough first approached HBO in 2002 about a miniseries about John Dillinger. When he found writing a script difficult, he ended up writing the book Public Enemies, a piece of nonfiction. In many ways, I guess Public Enemies is the best film that could be adapted from a nonfiction account of the story. But this painstaking accuracy is the film’s greatest weakness. It produces people and events, but no characters or conflict.

For his adaptation of The Last of the Mohicans, Michael Mann diverted from historical fact to craft a more romanticized story for the film. The result was engaging and thrilling. Perhaps a less factual adaptation would have yielded the same results for Public Enemies.

In which Noah chases after an ice cream truck.

The following story is pretty much guessable from the above title. But read it anyway if you so desire.

So there I was, minding my own business, cleaning my toilet bowl, when I hear a familiar tune. The Entertainer. Now, as everyone knows, the only practical use for that song is luring children to childcatchermobiles or ice cream trucks. In this case, the latter.

I wash my hands, run to the door, and realize that ice cream men most likely only take cash. Smart Noah. So I run to my room looking for coins of any kind. None. I see the ice cream man get in the driver’s seat.

Mom! Do you have any change?

She tells me to check her purse. I madly start throwing things about looking for quarters. 25 cents… 50 cents… The ice cream man puts his truck into gear. I frantically look for more coins. 35… 60… 85… 1.20… 1.30… I run out side to see the ice cream man driving away.

I wave my arms desperately. Surely he can’t get away with this. There must be something in the ice cream man code about not depriving the good people of the US of A of their ice cream. I run towards him, chasing him down the street. This is very dangerous, children, and should not be attempted at home. He begins to brake.

I order a fudge bar. Tears of joy appear in my eyes as my efforts are finally rewarded. I walk back in the house with a sense of pride and accomplishment. I glance out the window. The ice cream truck stopped next door, waiting for more customers. I chased him down, and he was stopping in front of every house on the street.

The things I do for ice cream.

Songs of the moment.

Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros [youtube link/itunes link] – The title literally means ‘jumping in puddles,’ but you don’t have to know a word of Icelandic to get the emotion of this song. It’s the perfect nostalgia song.

I Don’t Worry by Bess Rogers [youtube link/itunes link] – Great song when stressed. Hence the title.

I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas [youtube link/itunes link] – I was a little disappointed with the first single from The E.N.D, Boom Boom Pow, but this is a really good song. It’s catchy without getting annoying and has more than solid vocals.

Le ciel dans une chambre by Carla Bruni [youtube link/itunes link] – This song feels like a lullaby. It’s in French and Italian, so once again I can’t understand a word. Plus, Carla Bruni’s the first lady of France. Which is cool. Michelle Obama doesn’t have any records.

Tony awards fun fun fun.

The Tonys are probably the most mundane awards telecast in that only .01 % of the nation has seen any of the nominated work. However, the Tony telecast is consistently the most entertaining of the year. It’s concise, funny, and contains relevant performances [being a theatre award show] unlike the Emmys and Oscars. Of course, entertaining or not, I will predict the winners here. Even if I’m the only one watching the show.

Noah’s Totally Guess-based Tony Predictions [for the major awards]

Best Play
God of Carnage
Author: Yasmina Reza

Best Musical
Billy Elliot, The Musical – because it’s British
Producers: Universal Pictures Stage Productions, Working Title Films, Old Vic Productions, Weinstein Live Entertainment

Best Book of a Musical
Billy Elliot, The Musical – see above
Lee Hall

Best Original Score (Music and/or Lyrics) Written for the Theatre
Next to Normal – because it’s awesome
Music: Tom KittLyrics: Brian Yorkey

Best Revival of a Musical
Hair – because it’s inexplicably popular
Producers: Too many.

Best Special Theatrical Event
Liza’s at The Palace – because it’s Liza Minelli

Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Play
Geoffrey Rush, Exit the King

Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Play
Marcia Gay Harden, God of Carnage

Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical
David Alvarez, Trent Kowalik, and Kiril Kulish – Billy Elliot, The Musical – because they’re children. and there are three of them.

Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Musical
Alice Ripley, Next to Normal

Dear Miley Cyrus…

Dear Miley Cyrus,

You are not TI. You can’t pull off thanking God for your fake award at a fake awards show. And then, not a minute later, you yell ‘I’M ON A BOAT,’ to less than awesome applause. Yeah. You nailed it. I can’t wait for your Oscar acceptance speech.

View her speech.

Love,
Noah

In which Noah daydreams.

I want to be a tribal warrior when I grow up. I want to live in the jungles of the Amazon and eat green bananas and kill ocelots for food. And I want to have a pet bird. One of those birds that do the weird mating dance. Like on Planet Earth.

I want to go to Neptune. Because it is grossly underappreciated as a planet. I can’t imagine it being a very pleasant visit, but I’d like to give Neptune some well-deserved publicity.

I want to live in a loft and paint all day. I want to play loud music. And I want to go shopping at the foreign grocery and eat lots of hummus. I want to go on the roof of my loft and breathe in the glorious pollution of the city.

I want a racecar bed. Preferably red. I want people to be jealous when they see my racecar bed. I want to go to Chuck E. Cheese and win one of those huge stuffed animals. I want to go play laser tag and win. And I want to eat chicken nuggets and drink Sprite.

I want a big, wraparound porch. With hammocks and porch swings and rocking chairs and pitchers of lemonade and strawberries. I want to lie in aforementioned hammock on a sunny day with a ridiculous number of pillows.

I want some Oreos.

Blah blah blog post.

The school year is coming to a much-welcomed close! We’re at the stage where we’re just prepping for finals and no one’s actually teaching anything. My schedule for next year filled up VERY quickly, and some of the courses I wanted to take [AP Psych, Advanced Acting] had to be put on hold for things I had to take [SGA, French II]. I’m also still missing a PE credit, which is embarrassing and ridiculous, but will have to wait until my senior year.

This summer I’m doing so much visiting and traveling with the family that I don’t think I’ll be able to do much by way of activities and such. But I will enjoy going to Disney World [for the Presbyterian General Assembly, of course], the beach, and Philadelphia. Much to my mother’s disbelief, virtually no one hires people under 16, so a job isn’t much of an option at this point. My mother doesn’t think this to be true.

Okay, my favorite things for May:

Star Trek – What an awesome movie. I’d never seen a Star Trek film or television program before seeing the new movie, but that didn’t matter. It was fun and exciting and I enjoyed it immensely. Wolverine, take note. This is how you make a summer movie.

Summer Heights High – An Australian comedy mockumentary series about a public high school called Summer Heights High. Chris Lilley created the show and stars as Mr. G, the flamboyant drama teacher; Ja’mie, the exchange student from a private girls’ school; and Jonah, the troubled youth who is ‘the best break dancer in the whole suburb.’ Netflix it.

Katie Herzig – I like her all the time, but her latest album, Apple Tree, has been on repeat on my iPod of late. She’s one of the most original and consistent singer-songwriters right now. She’s performing at WorkPlay on Sunday the 17th. You should go.

TCBY – Go to TCBY. Order the Cookie/Cookie Dough parfait. Your life will change.

Unacceptable.

Some items I stumbled upon at Barnes & Noble.

God’s Little Princess Devotional Bible
Um, no. Not okay. At all. You can’t give small children a Bible that puts them at the center of attention. ‘Daddy’s Little Princess’ is obnoxious enough, thank you.

The VeggieTales Bible
Once again, no. You can’t teach children the Bible through vegetables. That’s not acceptable. Whether people want to admit it or not, VeggieTales does leave an impact on kids. I was fed VeggieTales as a child. Now, whenever I think about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, I think of a freakin’ chocolate bunny.

The Something Something Something Next Generation Audio Bible
Let’s see where the teen stars on this audio bible are now…

Cody Linley [Jesus] – Recurring guest role on Hannah Montana, Dancing With the Stars season 7 loser.
Jordin Sparks [Mary] – Struggling to really find an audience outside of that duet with Chris Brown.
Emily Osment [Mary Magdalene] – Regular role on Hannah Montana. Sister of Oscar nominee.
Corbin Bleu [Peter] – Struggling to really find an audience after High School Musical.

Recurring theme? Noooo…

It seems that all three of these are just insulting to young Christians. Why should children have to be taught the bible with vegetables? Why should teens require an audio bible with Disney Channel people?

Are you there blog? It’s me, Noah.

I’ve totally been slacking in the blog department for the past few weeks, so I’m addressing the elephant in the room with some bullet points.

- Jekyll and Hyde: The Musical opened last night. There are two more performances: tomorrow at 7:30 and Sunday at 2:30 at the Virginia Samford Theatre. You should come.

- I led a successful campaign to become vice president of my class at school. I really just wanted to make posters. And now I hear there are ‘responsibilities’ involved. Anyone know what that’s about?

- I really want Mel Gibson to go away.

- I really want to be Susan Boyle’s best friend.

Dear weather,

Dear weather,

It’s April now.

Love,
Noah