A couple of days ago I realized how horribly awful my eating patterns are. Seriously, I may pretend to care what I’m eating, but I honestly couldn’t care less. I’ve also noticed how I feel horrible after eating meat and/or dairy products. And so my friends I have a confession. I have decided to go a whole week without eating any meat or dairy products [except yogurt, which gets a pass].
Day 1 – Thursday, March 20, 2008
Things were going great. I was eating only healthy[ish] food and feeling great about myself until my friend Michael called. A group of people was meeting at the mall to hang out. Of course, they’re going to Johnny Rocket’s. A burger joint. “Stop tempting me demon!” I felt like shouting into the receiver. Of course, I said sure I’ll meet you there.
At Johnny Rocket’s, they have two vegetarian options. [I know right? I was impressed too.] A Boca burger and a salad. I might not be high brow or anything, but I refuse to eat a Boca burger, no matter how dire the circumstances. And a salad? At Johnny Rocket’s? That thing has got to be sick nasty.
I ordered a burger. There, I said it. Oh, and a vanilla shake. But in my defense, I’m so mentally challenged that I didn’t even consider the shake as “dairy” until two hours after I’d finished it. So it wasn’t a conscious betrayal of vegetarianism… right?
Day 2 – Friday, March 21, 2008
I wake up at like 3 in the afternoon, go into the kitchen and ask no one in particular if there are any veg options for “breakfast”. “Just eat some cereal,” my brother responds. Of course, as I write this, I realize that cereal and milk is totally a violation of the no dairy rule. Oops. Perhaps we can change that to no meat and limited dairy…
After the Good Friday service at church, we eat at a family’s house where they inevitably serve meat. But it’s unavoidable, I tell myself. After dinner, I eat ice cream. Again, I am such a dim bulb that I never associated ice cream with dairy until I started writing this sentence.
So in conclusion, I am too stupid for vegetarianism. But I’m determined. Never give up… right?
As a recovered vegetarian myself, you have to be prepared for a couple of things if you plan on quitting meat cold turkey…or cold ‘tofurkey’ if you prefer.
1) You have to be that Annoying Vegetarian Friend who announces to everyone every day that you don’t eat meat. Still, they will not understand.
2) You will have to defend your vegetarianism to everyone – everyone – because people who eat meat start to feel oddly defensive around those who don’t. I never could figure out why they somehow felt inferior or superior to me because they chose to eat rotting flesh and I didn’t. The best comeback goes to Whitney Brown, who said “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals; I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
3) Be prepared for cravings, and give in if you want to. Maybe instead of switching off all meat and dairy, just start with eliminating red meat or whole-fat dairy products. Make it easier to cheat so that way you don’t feel guilty or dumb for making different eating choices. Eating should make you feel healthy and satisfied, not dumb or grouchy.