13 September 2010 Noah’s declassified guide to popularity.
On my way to school this splendid [and dare I say autumnal..?] morning, I stopped to purchase lunch materials for the week. I walked out of the Publix with A) a jar of Nutella B) a loaf of Wonder Bread and C) a six pack of Pellegrino. Yes, that’s right. Pellegrino comes in six packs. Hide yo kids.
Anyway I couldn’t even get through the front door of Homewood High School without being stopped by an administrator.
‘Young man what are those bottles you’re carrying?’
‘It’s pellegrino.’
‘It’s what?!’
‘It’s sparkling water.’
‘Sparkling what exactly?!’
‘IT’S AICH TWO BLOODY OH.’
Similarly, a kid can’t even bring a jar of Nutella to his lunch table without all of a sudden being everyone’s best friend. I had people putting my hazelnut breakfast spread on granola bars, apples, their hands, and other places you’d probably not like to hear about.
Moral of the story: If you want to be popular, bring Nutella to school. Or white cheddar Cheezits.
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