A year in the Facebook of Noah Cannon.

I really want to enjoy my Christmas break, so I’m going to avoid physically strenuous activities like blogging. For my final post of the year, I’ve gathered my favorite Facebook statuses I’ve posted in 2009. Here they are.

Noah Cannon…

is… wait, is there, like, a football game going on or something? [on Super Bowl Sunday]

had a splendid day. And is still unaware of his being single. Take that, Valentine’s. [on Singles' Awareness Day]

wants to be a Pokémon when he grows up. Preferably the one that sings people to sleep and draws on their faces.

had a dream he saw a pygmy marmoset in his room. And the pygmy marmoset was named Phil. And Phil did a little dance and made me smile. And then I woke up.

is perplexed as to why amn’t isn’t a word. I amn’t pleased about that.

is in the midst of Furries. [Word to the wise - never stay at a hotel during a Furry convention.]

is thinking about moving to Canada, changing his name to Yukon Sam, and opening a coffee shop. And hosting poetry slams.

is watching The Fast and the Furious with no sound, blaring the Titanic soundtrack, and eating Oreos. [This made a lot more sense at the time.]

is like a goldfish: fun at first, but then you have to feed it tiny pellets every day until it dies.

feels like Captain von Trapp. But without the seven kids. Or musical numbers at parties. Or Julie Andrews.

Dear the world: The word ‘thespian’ does not rhyme with the word ‘lesbian.’ Love, Noah.

wishes to change his name to Alejandro. So when he calls you, you can tell your friends ‘I have to take this. It’s Alejandro.’

doesn’t trust people with more photos on Facebook than friends on Facebook. I don’t care if photography is your hobby. Keep it on Flickr where it belongs.

doesn’t know what’s sadder: Michael Jackson’s death or people’s apparent inability to spell his first name correctly.

The Noah Cannon Diet: Breakfast – Pepperoni hot pocket, Coke Lunch – Naked smoothie, chocolate chip cookie Dinner – Pepperoni hot pocket, Coke, Cheetos. Ahhhhhh summer.

‘Noah, maybe if your acne ever clears up, you’ll look as pretty as me.’ -Grace Cannon

Life is like pudding. You either make it at home, in which case there’s a weird layer of skin on top, or you can buy it in pre-made cups which don’t taste as good.

is going to be wearing a band aid on his face at school tomorrow. I’m writing this so those of you who read it will know not to question the band aid when you see me. Just go with it. And trust me that however unappealing the band aid may look, what’s underneath is much worse. Be nice to me. I’ve had a rough few days. [Long story.]

.uʍop ǝpısdn pǝuɹnʇ pǝddıIɟ ʇob ǝɟıI ʎɯ ʍoɥ ʇnoqɐ IIɐ ʎɹoʇs ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ ʍou

Dear Alabama Power, If my power goes out during Mad Men, so help me I will come at you in the night with an axe. Love, Noah. [There was a storm.]

I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say sticks to me immediately because you’re glue. And your words are adhesive. [This seemed more clever at the time.]

just had a dream that he was falling asleep in class, so he jolted himself awake to find it was a little after midnight. Sigh. Long night ahead.

If life is a glass of milk, then school is the Oreo that fell in while I was trying to dip it. [Oreos are a recurring theme in my statuses.]

is pretty sure Barack is pronounced with a rolled r. Spread the word.

Why are we supposed to think that Charlie and Grandpa Joe are any better than the others? All they do is whine about the other kids and then they explicitly disobey Wonka by drinking the soda because ‘no one’s watching.’ And we’re supposed to be rooting for them?

is in a creative bubble. The kind that tastes good when it pops on your tongue.

is soooooo indie. I wear Great Gatsby t-shirts and like Zooey Deschanel and listen to Wilco. So indie.

kind of wants to see I Can Do Bad All By Myself. I also kind of want to slap myself for typing that.

really dislikes when people say something offensive and then say ‘just sayin…’ Yes, I know you were ‘just sayin’ and it’s still offensive.

The mom from 18 Kids and Counting is expecting another bundle of joy. Her labors now last 12 seconds. [I dream of being a Weekend Update anchor.]

Juniors: Come to float building tomorrow or the terrorists win! [I'm a good class officer.]

feels like Arnold from the Magic School Bus. Like the time when the magic school bus shrunk and went inside Arnold’s body and he thought they left him behind.

just fell asleep while thinking of a clever status. You’re welcome.

My mom is playing She Wolf by Shakira on the violin. The end.

Sometimes I wish my life was a hidden camera show. Because things would make a whole lot more sense.

does not look like McLovin. Nor do I look like Harry Potter. I’m just wearing glasses. But thanks anyway.

is definitely wearing a robe backwards so people think I own a Snuggie. Live dangerously.

I’m sick and tired of hearing about this Justin Bieber kid and his questionable last name.

Why do people say ‘be safe’ on Halloween as if this is the only day when people walk through their own neighborhood?

Seriously, how is Phil Collins so awesome?

Holy. Crap. Sarah Palin fans do not come to play.

just typed the words ‘hogwarts real life’ into Google. I think I need a hobby.

is thankful for all of you, even if I have funny ways of showing it sometimes. Thank you. Now go stuff your face. [Thanksgiving '09]

Dear Wendy’s double bacon deluxe, You will be the death of me. Love, Noah.

December never felt so wrong.

I have one more final [AP English] tomorrow and then I’m off to see Avatar. I cannot express how ridiculously childishly excited I am for this movie. I’m seeing it twice tomorrow. Seriously. Naturally, I’ll report back.

Ragtime rehearsals started last week and have been going quite well. This is a musical based on the novel of the same name. It’s really a remarkable show. I’m in the ensemble and play 10 characters total. Can’t wait to see how that’s going to work out costume change-wise.

My favorite stuff in December:

- Empire State of Mind (Broken Down) by Alicia Keys – By far the best song from her new album. If you were a fan of the mega-hit rap version of this song Alicia Keys did with Jay-Z or not, you’ll love this. She puts emotion in her music like very few mainstream artists.

- The Cove – Documentary about a group of scientists, filmmakers, divers, daredevils, and technology experts trying to expose what really happens to the dolphins who are taken to the hidden cove in Taiji, Japan. Equal parts informative and moving, with dashes of Ocean’s 11 and Mission: Impossible thrown in for good measure. Highly recommend Netflixing it.

Operation: Sarah Palin, Final Phase

Here’s a little something you all should know about Sarah Palin fans: they do not come to play.

These guys are hard core. I waltzed over to the Books A Million at 12 pm on Sunday to get my wristband to see Sarah, and what did I find but 3000 people snaking through the Brookwood parking lot waiting their turn. I hopped in the back of the line, waited 30 minutes, and was informed by a cop that all wristbands had been given out.

What I also learned from said cop was that people had begun lining up the night before at 6 pm. They were camping out to get in a line to get a wristband so they could get in another line. As I said, hard core.

So, in conclusion, the next time I want to hug a celebrity, I’ll plan better. And camp out overnight.

[By the way, anyone want an unsigned copy of Going Rogue?]

Operation: Sarah Palin, Phase One

[or 'Things I shouldn't be comfortable admitting, part one.']

As I’m sure you know because of her Oprah interview [which I'm sure you watched], former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin is publishing her first ‘book,’ Going Rogue. Which she ‘wrote.’ By ‘herself.’ Anyway, the book goes on sale tomorrow. This news must be exciting to those who are politically parallel to Mrs Palin, which, if you’re wondering [and I'm sure you were], I’m not.

Flashback a week ago. I’m perusing the Amazon on my iPod when what do I find but Going Rogue high atop the bestselling books. It was priced at 9 bucks. 9. Over 60% lower than the publisher’s list price. If you know me at all, you know I’m ever so slightly impulsive. So I may or may not have pre-ordered the book then and there. It all happened so fast. Seriously. I don’t even remembering it happening. It was just so cheap and so… tempting.

Flashback [forward?] to 3 days ago: I discover on the interwebs that Sarah Palin is coming to Brookwood mall next week. To sign copies of her book. Line numbers are being given out starting at noon on the 22nd, and she’ll arrive at 7 pm on the 23rd. This was a sign. I was meant to buy that book. I was meant to go to Books A Million and have Mrs Palin sign this blessed miracle.

And not just that. Oh no. I’m not only going to have my book signed, I’m determined to give Sarah Palin a hug. It’s happening. She may have security, well I’m willing to cry on command if it means she’ll reciprocate aforementioned hug. I’ll report back in a week with results. Pray for me.

Okay, here we go. Blog post. Get excited.

I’d like to apologize. My academic life is in shambles right now so blogging hasn’t been at the tip top of my priority list.

- The Homewood fall play ‘Ghost Box’ has come and gone. I was the assistant director, which was interesting. Not sure whether I’d jump at the opportunity again, but any experience is good experience, right?

- I’ve been cast in the ensemble of Ragtime, a fantastic musical that will be going up in February. Imma keep you posted.

- I was not cast in 13 the musical, which I auditioned for last month. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed, but I’m excited to see the show anyway. And harbor grudges against the entire cast. Just kidding.

So this turned out to be a lot more theatre-centric than intended, but it’s a blog post anyway. I’ll be back soon with more substantial material.

Stuck in neutral.

Today I noticed something that’s been hiding in my room for five years. Even when I moved two years ago, it remained a perennial and unnoticed feature on my wall. This morning I brushed my teeth and went to get my bag. And I saw it. A canoe paddle, finished with swirling calligraphy. ‘Alpine Honor Camper 2004,’ it reads.

Alpine was a month-long summer camp I attended every year for four years of my life. At the end of each term, campers in each grade level, along with counselors, would vote on an ‘honor camper.’ It was never really explained what this meant, although in my years at Alpine I saw it go to the quietest kid, the nicest kid, the richest kid, and me. Sure, it was flattering at the time, but it somehow managed to hide in plain sight right over my bed for five whole years.

Tonight I took down the canoe paddle and placed it in my closet, where it now resides with my ‘Most Improved 8 and Under’ swimming trophy [I beasted at backstroke. True story.] and my certificate of participation for a cub scout soap box derby. Maybe one day I’ll go through my old stuff and smile when I see the canoe paddle, the trophy, and the certificate. But for now they’re where they belong. Not on display. My identity is certainly not defined by what’s in my bedroom, but it also has nothing to do with a barely legitimate award from five years ago.

So now I forge ahead, hoping a more current canoe paddle will be given to me, for a more lasting reason. There’s also a map of Narnia hanging in my room. Maybe I’ll get to that next week.

Some stuff I like in September.

You know what? I’m about ready for this month to end. It’s true. August and September are the worst. They both go by slower than any other month. Regardless of my hostility towards this time of year, I’ve compiled this list of things that are awesome.

1. I love ABC’s new half-hour comedy Modern Family. It follows three exceedingly abnormal families trying to live, as the title implies, modern lives. The pilot episode aired on Wednesday, and has got to be one of the funniest pilots I’ve seen. I look forward to seeing where they take the show with such sharp, intelligent writing.

2. One of ABC’s other new fall shows is FlashForward. If you’ve been watching the network at all in the last two months, you know that ABC is putting all their eggs in this strange, sci-fi basket. I had huge expectations going in, and the first episode really delivered. The direction and writing, courtesy of Dark Knight co-writer David Goyer, are both on a cinematic scale that rarely sees the light of primetime. It’s more than enough to hold me over until Lost returns in January.

3. Go buy an I am Birmingham shirt HERE. Seriously, just go get one.

4. In 1995, Jean-Dominique Bauby, the editor of French Elle magazine, had a stroke which resulted in locked-in syndrome, a condition in which a person is fully functional mentally, but physically paralyzed. Bauby was totally paralyzed save for his left eyelid. Using a painstaking system with an assisstant, Bauby blinked out a 139-page memoir of his inner thoughts called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. The book was adapted into a film by Julian Schnabel in 2007. The movie is a unique portrait of a man whose true feelings aren’t expressed until a near-death experience jolts them out of him. It’s inspiring, funny, devastating, and hypnotic. Netflix it.

5. Greg Holden, the English musician who opened for Ingrid Michaelson the other night at Workplay, has been on rotation on my iPod since. Check out Thinking of You and The Chase.

Predicting Emmys like a boss.

EDIT 9/20 11:08 am: changed my pick for supporting actress in a drama from Chandra Wilson to Rose Byrne. Alert the media.

I apologize in advance if you find this sort of thing royally dull, but I actually did pretty well with my Oscar and Tony predictions, so here we go. [For your sake, I'm only predicting the Comedy and Drama Series Emmys, which are only half of the awards being presented tomorrow night.]

Drama Series
Will win: Mad Men, despite the fact that the second season was not up to snuff.
Should win: Mad Men, I’m happy for you, and Imma let you have your moment, but Breaking Bad had one of the best seasons of ALL TIME.
Upset: Breaking Bad has the next best chance.

Drama Actor
Will win: Hugh Laurie, unfortunately.
Should win: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad.
Upset: Bryan Cranston.

Drama Actress
Will win: Glenn Close, Damages.
Should win: Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men.
Upset: Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men.

Drama Supp. Actor
Will win: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad. Arguably the best performance on TV right now.
Should win: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad.
Upset: Michael Emerson, Lost.

Drama Supp. Actress
Will win: Rose Byrne, Damages [she's pretty much a co-lead]
Should win: Chandra Wilson, Grey’s Anatomy.
Upset: Dianne Wiest, In Treatment.

Drama Directing
Will win: Phil Abraham, Mad Men.
Should win: Phil Abraham, Mad Men.
Upset: Whatever for ER.

Drama Writing
Will win: Meditations in an Emergency, Mad Men.
Should win: A Night to Remember, Mad Men.
Upset: The Incident, Lost.

Comedy Series
Will win: 30 Rock.
Should win: 30 Rock.
Upset: HA!

Comedy Actor
WIll win: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock.
Should win: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock.
Upset: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory.

Comedy Actress
Will win: Tina Fey, 30 Rock.
Should win: Toni Collette, United States of Tara [and I love Tina Fey.]
Upset: Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?

Comedy Supp. Actor
Will win: Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother.
Should win: Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock.
Upset: Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock.

Comedy Supp. Actress
Will win: Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock.
Should win: Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock.
Upset: Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies or Kristen Wiig, SNL.

Comedy Directing
Will win: Whatever for The Office.
Should win: Beth McCarthy, 30 Rock.
Upset: Todd Holland, 30 Rock.

Comedy Writing
WIl win: Matt Hubbard, 30 Rock.
Should win: Matt Hubbard, 30 Rock.
Upset: One of the other three 30 Rock episodes.

Okay, I’m done.

‘Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.’ [or Dear Kanye West...]

Everyone will be blogging about this. Everyone. So I figured I’d join in. ‘Sorry Taylor, I’ll let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.’ Words of a genius named Kanye West. Let’s analyze this, shall we?

‘Sorry Taylor.’ PAUSE! That’s like when people say ‘no offense’ and then say something really offensive. It’s still offensive, regardless of whether you said ‘no offense.’

‘I’ll let you finish.’ PAUSE! Taylor Swift was excepting an effing VMA. Kanye, you do not tell her whether she can finish or not. And when you handed her back the mic, she just said nothing and looked like she might melt.

‘Beyoncé had one of the best videos.’ PAUSE! Okay. It was a good video. But it was a mediocre song. And why should you get to judge the quality of a musician’s work Kanye? You’re best known for yelling over a Daft Punk song that already existed.

‘Of all time.’ PAUSE! Really? Really? Why do really unintelligent people feel the need to add ‘of all time’ to every bit of praise they give? Yes, I’m talking about Ben Lyons.

Okay, I’m done. Kanye, it’s one thing to rant about how awesome you are, but don’t drag an innocent teenager into the mix. Taylor isn’t the greatest country artist ever, but she didn’t deserve that. Good day, sir. I said good day.

This I Believe.

I’ve always found NPR’s This I Believe interesting. I think it’s cool to hear people’s philosophies and convictions in under two minutes. It reveals a lot about the person.

However, when I was asked to write an essay in the style of This I Believe for English, I found it a lot harder than it looked. Not matter what I wrote, I always found some problem with it. It’s too generic. It’s too weird. It’s not really what I believe.

Anyway, I thought I’d share the finished product below. Sorry about the bad sound.

Noah’s This I Believe