Twilight… 500 pages later…

There are some things, like the movie Titanic and Hershey’s chocolate, that are so epically bad that they become awesome. Titanic’s a really bad movie, but I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t sit through the whole 3 hour mess and have that awful song stuck in my head for the following week. Unfortunately, Twilight does not qualify for this category.

It’s chock full of flaws. Like gaping flaws. The two lead characters are mind-numbingly dull and irritating. They both seem constantly irritated with each other, too. Yet they are, as the back cover puts it, ‘irrevocably in love.’ What kind of moron says ‘irrevocably’ in normal conversation?

The writing feels like a first draft. It’s about 200 pages too long, and no major conflict is introduced until the last 100 pages. And some of that conflict isn’t even resolved. The author uses lots of adverbs and really bad alliterations. And then there’s this passage:

“‘Aren’t you hungry?’ he asked.

‘No.’ I didn’t feel like telling him my stomach was already full – of butterflies.”

Ow. Ow ow ow. That’s really horrific.

Having said all that, I finished the book uncharacteristically quickly. I was eager to find out what happened to these annoying characters. I wanted to know about the logistics of being a vampire. Once the plot actually got underway, it was interesting enough. I have no desire to read three more of these things, but it certainly was mildly entertaining.

So the social experiment was somewhat a bust. I can’t say I’ve broken any stereotypes. I’m a male teenager who doesn’t understand why Twilight’s so popular. It’s not that it’s a bad book, it’s just so unremarkable. Had I not known about it’s popularity, I never would have pegged it for that kind of book.

Perhaps one day someone will write a really good book for teenage type people.

Twilightgate.

No book series has ever confused me as much as Twilight has. I could compare it to Harry Potter, but it’s different. It’s a fantasy book series about vampires whose target audience is high school age girls. How does that even work? And the Twilight fan base is huge. And, it should be said, it’s almost entirely female.

Every fan I talk to tells me I NEED to read it. I kind of scoffed and assumed it was a girl book, until I recently saw several guys reading it. So I decided I needed to figure out what on earth the fuss was about. I asked one of my Twilight type friends to borrow her copy of the first book.

Never in my life have I witnessed such a reaction to a book I was carrying.

People consistently asked about it. Girls eyes lit up. ‘You read Twilight?!’ ‘No, I’m borrowing this…’ ‘You need to read it. It’s the best book ever.’ I had no less than three guys tell me that I was disqualified from manhood if I read it. I promised one of them I’d read Blood Meridian just to cancel out the apparent femininity caused by reading Twilight.

And I am going to read it. I’m already 30 pages in. Only 470 to go. So far it’s pretty poorly written, but there HAS to be a reason it’s so popular. Besides, I don’t need society’s permission to read a book. Maybe I’ll really like it. Maybe I’ll hate it. It seems so strange that a book has to be so divisive.

So wish me luck. I’m breaking social boundaries.

Recently Digested Media

Film

I’m Reed Fish [dir. Reed Fish] – Interesting indie film within an indie film about [that's right] Reed Fish, who hosts a daily radio show in his miniscule hometown. Very creative, but can sometimes get a little confusing, particularly towards the end. Still quite charming and endearing. 76/100

In America [dir. Jim Sheridan] – Powerful film about an Irish family’s struggles in New York. Amazing performances by Sarah Bolger, Djimon Honsou, and Samantha Morton. 92/100

Baby Mama [dir. by Michael McCullers] – Okay so it’s not a really good movie. Or a really funny movie. But Tina Fey’s in it. 64/100

Literature

Breaking Through [Francisco Jimenez] – I hate summer reading. I particularly hate reading bad books for summer reading. That just really bums me out. 43/100

Watchmen [Dave Gibbons and Alan Moore] – Graphic novels don’t generally count as literature in my book, but this one does. And I don’t like graphic novels. But this book is incredible. It’s thought-provoking and emotional and sheds light on complex political issues. And, yes, it’s about super heroes. 94/100

Notes on a Shakespeare.

The Beatles once sang, ‘All you need is love.’ So what happens when love is the only thing you have? [I'm talking about fictitious characters here. The following is far from autobiographical.] Are you magically complete? Is love honestly the thing that solves all problems? When Romeo sees Juliet, is he miraculously fulfilled? Well Romeo was an idiot. And so Romeo died. Idiotically. For someone he knew for less than 4 days and who, wait for it, turned out to be alive.

Juliet was also an idiot. The ‘love’ she felt for Romeo was like that of a child and a new toy. Infatuation. She knew him for a few days. Just as a baby tires of a rattle, so the young, infantile Juliet would soon realize the naivety of her love for Romeo.

Okay now it’s time for the Star Wars allegory. And this is relevant. Bear with me.

A certain science fiction film franchise contains a prophecy that Anakin will bring balance to the Force. The prophesier conveniently left out that whole evil empire Darth Vader part. But in the end he was technically right. Okay so the prophesier is represented by Friar Lawrence, who agrees to wed R and J to bring balance to the feud between their families.

Well Friar Larry was kind of right. Of course five people died in the process, but the Capulets and Montagues did make peace with each other. So who are we supposed to sympathize with? R and J? For their foolishness and, um, deadness? Friar Larry for his correct prediction and plan which arguably caused the deaths of R and J?

At any rate, it is now time for me to retire for the night. Namasté.

Forced reading and other grievances.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain is a good book. A great book, even. But why is it that I find it so difficult to read the second time around? Certainly it can’t be that the story has grown old or that my taste has changed. No I think I’m dreading Huck Finn because it’s assigned for school.

It’s an old and tired complaint, but one not without merit: assigned reading makes kids infinitely less likely to enjoy the book. I constantly go into assigned books begrudgingly and ready to hate them. Moby Dick. Augustine’s Confessions. The list goes on. Could I enjoy these books in a non-school atmosphere? Maybe.

Recently I found a copy of The Children of Men by P. D. James which I never knew my family owned. I was struck by a strong urge to read the book cover to cover. And after a couple of weeks I had. It’s a wonderful book and I looked forward to reading it every day.

While I was reading it I was also reading The Jungle, a good book. But I read The Jungle slowly, almost trying to find something boring to complain about. Naturally, The Jungle was assigned reading for Logic class.

Assigned reading doesn’t work.